Kiss
Puke
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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