I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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