Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just threw up on my dentist
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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