The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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