I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
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i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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