OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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