Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
