Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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