wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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