I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
