Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
