You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
