So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
