shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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