it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
