she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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