i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
