apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
