Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
