She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Ketchup is God's man juice
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize