I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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