I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
