3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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