If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
