Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I understand Curling. That high.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
