my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
