I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
