why didn't you poke me back
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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