is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
