I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize