he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
