She is in my trunk
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
