it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
