What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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