I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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