woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
