Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
