Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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