Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
