You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
