Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
