I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize