You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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