Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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