you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
