I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize