i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
