some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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