I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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