TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
