Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
