That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
