Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
