Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you still have your period?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
