Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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