he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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