I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
