I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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