watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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