I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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