Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
