People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
