Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
