we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
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I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
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Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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