I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
