I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
