We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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