I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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