My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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