I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
