i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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