I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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